Finally, it has happened.
After months of speculation and gossip, and a desperate search by Tom Cruise's publicists' to find a suitable bio-vessel to carry the miracle baby, Katie Holmes has finally "given birth".
Thats right folks, Katie has actually removed the beach ball from under her shirt (and presumably she did this silently and without any drugs) and named it Suri. She dropped her improbable load in Los Angeles earlier today and according to a press release, both Mother and Child are doing fine. Of course, in the world of Scientology, the word "fine" has a meaning that most of us are unfamiliar with; it actually means that the baby is in fact an alien, sent to do battle with the evil Xenu and that Katie is tied to her bed with metal restraints, calling out for the child she is not allowed to see for the next week, while surrounded by signs reminding her to "shut the fuck up".
BBC News has this to report;
Spokesman Paul Bloch said in a statement that the couple "joyously welcomed" the arrival of their daughter.The baby's name, Suri, came from Hebrew, meaning "princess" or Persian, meaning "red rose", the statement said. [There has been no word yet as to what the name means in Thetan]
The baby weighed 3.4 kg (7lb 7 oz) and measured 50.8 cm (20 inches), Mr Bloch said.
We alread know that the child will not be baptised (and, therefore, will be damned to hell), but we can't wait to see the kinda crazy that Scientology can induce in a kid raised by a fake couple pretending to be its biological parents!
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