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The court case concerning Dan Brown's alleged plaigerism has sadly overshadowed the more important story surrounding the Da Vinci Code. We are of course referring to the porno parody of the movie, The Da Vinci Load. 
We kid you not fair readers, and Fleshbot provides a succinct synopsis of the film;
"Operatives of the Priory of Semen, including penile profiler Dr. Nadia Saint (Missy Monroe) discover that Leonardo Da Vinci painted the Mona Lisa using his own sperm. Determined to resurrect Da Vinci and overjoyed that the master’s sperm was not all “lost up a man’s ass”, they steal the painting and kill anyone who gets in their way."
Director of the film, Jerome Tanner also gives us an insight into the plot line, saying "That when Da Vinci was painting The Last Supper, he was jacking off, and some of his load got mixed in with the paint... So they extract his DNA from the painting, to clone Da Vinci. Just like Jurassic Park!”
It already sounds more believable than the book, and we suspect it will be a more enjoyable watch than the official film version (nudge, nudge, wink, wink.). We also look forward to the day the Leigh and Baigent sue the movie makers for copying their lesser known book "Holy Cum, Holy Ass".
Mona Lisa Picture originally found here.
Thanks to the folks over at Defamer we can all now see the sculpture that is making people around the world tear out their eyeballs and eat them in sheer horror. We bring you Daniel Edwards' "Monument to Pro-Life: The Birth of Sean Preston."
The inherent grossness of this piece is summed up nicely by the artist's own descripton;
"Monument to Pro-Life: The Birth of Sean Preston," believed Pro-Life's first monument to the 'act of giving birth,' is purportedly an idealized depiction of Britney in delivery. Natural aspects of Spears' pregnancy, like lactiferous breasts and protruding naval, compliment a posterior view that depicts widened hips for birthing and reveals the crowning of baby Sean's head."
Once the vomitting has subsided I think there may be a national outcry to change every religion's stance on abortion.
To break away from the monotony of the end of times battle between South Park and Scientology, we thought we would reward our lovely readers with a little picture of Kate Moss's Karmic Kittens. The aging (meow) super model has recently been reported as having acupuncture and trying out Buddhism, most probably in a vain attempt to distract people from how skanky she is. This photo was taken during better times, times when it was ok to aroused by her child-like naked body, and when there was less of a threat that the middle of her nose would fall out.
Hmm, it must have been a pretty cold day, you could poke someones eye out with those nipples!
We are entirely sure that by now everyone knows the ins and outs of the continuing South Park/ Scientology battle, as it has recieved so much publicity. We are very pleased that Celebrity Scientology has been recieving so much attention, as it is our goal to educate the masses on the crazy and cool faiths that the beautiful people accessorize with, but we are getting a little bored of it all now.
OK, there is a distinct possibility that we are just jealous that our American friends get to watch the contraversial episodes before us, and we need to wait for them to appear on line. We are sure that the newest episode of South Park will be just as funny as the infamous "Trapped in the Closet" offering, and we look forward to seeing Chef portrayed as a brianwashed paedophile. But still, we are victims of the MTV generation, and we have got extraordinarily short attention spans; any news story, no matter how many beautiful and insane celebrities appear in it, is going to bore us after a few days. We need a new scandel! C'mon Britney, crap out another child! Madonna, insist that Guy get circumcised! Kate Moss, follow Buddha's lead and get fat! Scientology is getting way too much attention right now.
Thanks to the creative genius behind Gallery of the Absurd we can see crazy Tom Cruise as a Xenu loving, warrior Scientologist, South Park Style.
You too can create your own South Park characters here.
(Trust me, its an excellent way to waste a few hours of your life.)
Kate Moss has recently joined the ranks of celebrities that jump on the Buddhist bandwagon. According to recent reports, the supermodel has become intrigued by the idea of Karma, and is contemplating doing some charity work to increase her good Karma. 
Now, we are no experts, but we are pretty sure that it defeats the object that she is doing charity to benefit herself. Clearly she has been watching too much My Name is Earl.
Wow, it seems like the South Park boys have really hit a nerve with their scientology mocking episode "Trapped in the closet". As we informed you at the beginning of the week, Isaac Hayes (aka chef) quit the show due to its "inappropriate ridicule" of scientology. Well, now rumours are flying that Tom "i love aliens" Cruise stepped in to stop the episode being aired again. Allegedly, he refused to promote Mission Impossible 3 if the episode was shown. We all know what that means! NO promotion equals NO £££ (or for our American readers $$$) Strangely, just after Tom's threat the episode was pulled. Now let us think about this... MI3 is a Paramount movie, Paramount is owned by Viacom, Viacom also own Comedy Central...what a coincidence! Of course, Tom shouldn't be so silly. If we want to watch a cartoon that pokes fun at him, we don't have to watch it on the TV!! So once more for those of you who still havent watched it, here is the link to the cartoon in question!
Proving once again that Scientologists are not only mind-bogglingly gullible, but also completely humourless, we have heard today that Isaac Hayes, the 70's soul sensation and singer of Shaft, has decided to leave the cast of "South Park" due to religious sensitivities. 
According to the BBC, the soulful voice of Chef has objected to the "innapropriate ridicule" of his religion of choice, Scientology. In an episode recently shown in the US, and unfortunately never to be seen in the UK (sniff sniff, poor us!), Matt Stone and Trey Parker mocked the extremely mockable, alien-loving, "religion". In the episode in question, Stan performs so well in a Scientology personality test, that he is believed to be the next L. Ron Hubbard. We suspect that this episode is very funny, but as we said, we are not going to get to see it because Paramount are pussys' (although we forgive Matt and Trey for attributing the episode to the fictional John and Jane Smith, even we, the fearless Celebrity Religion team are afraid of being sued by Tom and Co.) Hayes himself is quoted as saying
"There is a place in this world for satire but there is a time when satire ends and intolerance and bigotry towards religious beliefs begin." (Thank god they didn't do a cartoon version of Muhammad!)
Of course, many people have been quick to point out that in over 150 episodes of South Park, Hayes has had no problem making fun of Christians, Mormons, Jews or Muslims, and have accused the singer of hypocrisy. It seems like Hayes is quite happy to dish it out (note the fabulous chef reference), but not so happy to take it! So long Chef, we will miss your sweet lovin'.
P.S. Lets hope Matt Groening doesn't decide to mock Scientology, or Bart Simpson may become another victim of Scientology related catoon character disappearance.
