Esther Update... Religious Real Estate

The internet is awash with rumours that Madonna is in the market for a piece of real estate in Israel. Apparently she has been trying to buy a house in the mountain area of Rosh Pina, near to where, according to Kabbalah, the Messiah is going to appear.
Kabbalah teaches that the Messiah will appear at Safed and walk to Tiberias along the shores of the sea of Galilee. This route would have him walk straight through Madonna's back yard, if she can find a house to buy. We are absolutley positive that the Messiah will speed up his arrival on earth for the prospect of meeting the Material Girl herself, (we hear he is a fan of her early work) and so we urge house owners in the area to sell up their homes! Of course, finding out that a millionare celebrity is wanting to buy your home obviously brings out the best, most generous and alturistic tendencies in people, so we were unsurprised to learn that one resident is willing to sell her shack to Madonna for the bargain price of $1 million. And don't worry, loyal readers, we will let you know as soon as the Messiah arrives!