Omnipotent Oprah

We love it when celebrities find religion, but we love it even more when celebrities reach the realization that they transcend normal religious traditions; when they come to the understanding that the gods we mere mortals worship are just a reflection of the glory that they, in their fame, encapsulate. So imagine our glee this morning when we read this report from USA Today. According to the article, Oprah Winfrey, who has spent two decades searching for spirituality, has reached the level of spiritual guru for this millenium.

"She's a really hip and materialistic Mother Teresa," says Kathryn Lofton, a professor at Reed College in Portland, Ore., who has written two papers analyzing the religious aspects of Winfrey. "Oprah has emerged as a symbolic figurehead of spirituality." "She's a moral monitor, using herself as the template against which she measures the decency of a nation," Lofton says.

The notion that Oprah is, in fact, God, is becoming scarily common; Ellen DeGeneres joked about it, Jamie Foxx prophesied about it, saying "You're going to get to heaven and everyone's waiting on God and it's going to be Oprah Winfrey", and a recent poll suggested that 33% of people believed she had a more profound spiritual impact on their lives than actual clergy people. (Although we would suggest that you take that with a pinch of salt; we all know that 84% of statistics are made up.)

Not everyone thinks that having Oprah as the 21st Century Deity is for the best, however, with one commentator saying,

Winfrey followers "are incredibly gullible, bandwagon-jumping trend-slaves." Winfrey, she says, "acts as if her show has 'evolved,' but in fact, she still has the salacious sex and deviance stories, with a psychologist in the audience to make it seem highbrow and give it the kosher seal of approval. If this is the person whose morals we are putting on a pedestal, then America's moral compass is in much need of retuning."

"Salacious sex"? "Deviance"? Sign me up.... this religion sounds tons more fun than the noise prohibiting faith du jour, Scientology.
We are all for equal opportunities, and so the idea of a black, female, god appeals to us on many levels. We are not entirely sure what the Gospel According To Oprah might look like, but we certainly hope that it encourages people to obtain as much wealth for themselves as possible, to support Jennifer Anniston in the Anniston Vs Jolie debate, to binge eat/diet, and to boycott James Frey's book. Still, we are unconvinced that she can compete with The Hoff in the Celebrity God stakes.....can she fly???? Does she have a car that can talk???

Comments

[haha]

i would just like to say that this oprah religion is not a religion ... and whoever believes in that crap are a bunch of followers who do not know what to believe and are gullable to whatever celebrities say... also, if you really want somehting to believe in that is gonna help you prosper in life..believing in the one true God might help. and whoever believes that we when we go to heaven and are awaiting for God, but see oprah winfrey, is definitely not going to get near heaven, in fact, your going the complete opposite. now instead of believing in this so called "Omnipotent Oprah"....the one who talks about sex and money on every episode of her show, which is completely against what God wants, so i dont know why any of you think this women is going to heaven, the best way to go is christanity, believing in God, and believing that he came and died to save us, instead of believing in some women who gives away free stuff. she's done a great job in using her money to gain the respect of many people who do not know what they want in life...props to you oprah, youve corupted the minds of many people who could have had the chance to go the right way in life and go to heaven and live a good life, and a great after life, but thanks to you none of your so called followers are going there, have fun in hell

[a christian heard]

That is why Jesus said that a rich person has as much of a chance of getting into heaven as an elephant getting through the eye of a needle. Sometimes money and power causes people to think they are a god. If you follow Jesus Christ, you will walk in the path of righteousness.

[Rob]

This is not funny. Oprah is heading for a breakdown with the possibility of a huge Jonestown scene along the way.

[Jewel]

I hate oprah always have and she is full of it. Enjoy eternity Oprah

[johnm22287@yahoo.com]

Whoever wrote this is fucking retarded.

[keenan zuniga]

i really feel sorry about oprah,
she never used her mind,instead she was been blinded with money, power & fame..the saddest part is the mere fact that she never used such things to help other people,instead she help them to be with her in hell for eternity..she is very disappointing,i just hope that this devastating matter must urgently come to an end..i believe that God will never let this Hypocritical act to continue..

[josh]

while i totally am flabberghasted by the absolutely horrible interpretion of "ultimate deity" aka Jehovah that oprah has, consider her misguided, she still does have the where withall, be it PR motivated or what not, to give massive amounts of money to charity, at least she is no madoff, but then again, we will not be judged according to the righteousness of bernie maddoff, will we,...

[nathan child of the light]

i think oprha has been blinded by her money.her secret is not a secret its called metaphysics.and phiosophy.these people who follow oprha need to study history and philosophy and then one would now her so called secret has been around since anciant times nothing new about that.jesus is the only way to salvation.and who ever disagrees you are just scared of the truth.oprha wake up please and stop leading people to your own greedy selfesh so called salvation.jesus did say its harder for rich people to go to heaven because there money makes them blind.if you let it money will steal your salvation

[lol]

this message board just goes to show how empassioned and delusional christians are. but this is an age of transition that have lost faith in religion. i wont worry about these sellf-righteous gullible christian extremists who statistically have lower IQ's. your god loves to damn and burn people of different faiths. your god loves to bribe people into his religion. therefore your god is not loving and your god is divisive. people are disappointed, you guys gotta work on winning people back! but christianity has already exposed its true ugly face. in this day and age, young people will no longer be fooled by any indoctrination. religion has destroyed humanity from the medieval days to the palestinian-israeli conflict. the root of all evil is religion because this is the one particular brainwash that is the hardest to break. oprah?please, exagerated. maybe u christians didnt pray enough,, so..pray harder or god will whup ur ass!

[Michael]

Totally digg your website thanks a lot for the info

[Dragonwings2001-fb]

This is some scary, scary stuff here. It is amazing on just how many people actually follow this woman on tv and in her godless religion. This is unreal as well as disturbing...

[Moi]

Mad woman of Gedara. Americans have a big problem, any mad person can get up speak rubbish and they even give such nonsense a thought.

[joe]

Oprah's message is similar 2 freemason's nd islam.. Nw i get d deception.. Pls watch out 4 more god-figures.... Its 1 big plan nd Its comin 4rm lucifer tru d order of d illuminati

[JESUS' OWN]

THERE IS ONLY ONE TRUE GOD, AND EVEN OPRAH KNOWS THAT, I LIKED HER SHOWS BUT AM SADDENED BY THIS. PLEASE GUYS THERE IS A LOVING GOD, WHO WE WRONG N GETS ANGRY BUT IS ON OURSIDE THE MOMENT WE CONFESS OUR SINS. IF OPRAH HAS BEEN THIS NICE TO MISLEAD PEOPLE IN THE END, ITS SOOOOOO SAD. IT IS BAD TO BE MATERIALISTIC, GOD DOES NT WANT US TO BE MATERAILISTIC, NOT BECAUSE HE DOES NOT WANT US TO BE HAPPY BUT BECAUSE IT MAKES US SELFRIGHTIOUS, SELFISH, AND LIKE TO EQUAL WITH GOD. THERE IS ONE AND ONLY ONE TRUE GOD. FOR THOSE OF U THAT ARE NT HAPPY WITH THE CHRISTIAN LIFE, ITS BECAUSE YOU POINT OUT TO THE BAD THINGS THAT THE DEVIL PUTS INFRONT OF U AGAINIST JESUS, BUT I PRAY N WILL START PRYAING SO HARD THAT WE ARE NT MISLED.
JESUS IS COMING SOON N THIS IS THE DAY WE HAVE TO MAKE THINGS RIGHT WITH HIM.

[Jody]

FUCK JESUS!!

HAIL OPRAH!!!

[Jody]

JESUS FUCKED!!!
OPRAH HAILED!!!