Omnipotent Oprah

We love it when celebrities find religion, but we love it even more when celebrities reach the realization that they transcend normal religious traditions; when they come to the understanding that the gods we mere mortals worship are just a reflection of the glory that they, in their fame, encapsulate. So imagine our glee this morning when we read this report from USA Today. According to the article, Oprah Winfrey, who has spent two decades searching for spirituality, has reached the level of spiritual guru for this millenium.

"She's a really hip and materialistic Mother Teresa," says Kathryn Lofton, a professor at Reed College in Portland, Ore., who has written two papers analyzing the religious aspects of Winfrey. "Oprah has emerged as a symbolic figurehead of spirituality." "She's a moral monitor, using herself as the template against which she measures the decency of a nation," Lofton says.

The notion that Oprah is, in fact, God, is becoming scarily common; Ellen DeGeneres joked about it, Jamie Foxx prophesied about it, saying "You're going to get to heaven and everyone's waiting on God and it's going to be Oprah Winfrey", and a recent poll suggested that 33% of people believed she had a more profound spiritual impact on their lives than actual clergy people. (Although we would suggest that you take that with a pinch of salt; we all know that 84% of statistics are made up.)

Not everyone thinks that having Oprah as the 21st Century Deity is for the best, however, with one commentator saying,

Winfrey followers "are incredibly gullible, bandwagon-jumping trend-slaves." Winfrey, she says, "acts as if her show has 'evolved,' but in fact, she still has the salacious sex and deviance stories, with a psychologist in the audience to make it seem highbrow and give it the kosher seal of approval. If this is the person whose morals we are putting on a pedestal, then America's moral compass is in much need of retuning."

"Salacious sex"? "Deviance"? Sign me up.... this religion sounds tons more fun than the noise prohibiting faith du jour, Scientology.
We are all for equal opportunities, and so the idea of a black, female, god appeals to us on many levels. We are not entirely sure what the Gospel According To Oprah might look like, but we certainly hope that it encourages people to obtain as much wealth for themselves as possible, to support Jennifer Anniston in the Anniston Vs Jolie debate, to binge eat/diet, and to boycott James Frey's book. Still, we are unconvinced that she can compete with The Hoff in the Celebrity God stakes.....can she fly???? Does she have a car that can talk???

Comments

[haha]

i would just like to say that this oprah religion is not a religion ... and whoever believes in that crap are a bunch of followers who do not know what to believe and are gullable to whatever celebrities say... also, if you really want somehting to believe in that is gonna help you prosper in life..believing in the one true God might help. and whoever believes that we when we go to heaven and are awaiting for God, but see oprah winfrey, is definitely not going to get near heaven, in fact, your going the complete opposite. now instead of believing in this so called "Omnipotent Oprah"....the one who talks about sex and money on every episode of her show, which is completely against what God wants, so i dont know why any of you think this women is going to heaven, the best way to go is christanity, believing in God, and believing that he came and died to save us, instead of believing in some women who gives away free stuff. she's done a great job in using her money to gain the respect of many people who do not know what they want in life...props to you oprah, youve corupted the minds of many people who could have had the chance to go the right way in life and go to heaven and live a good life, and a great after life, but thanks to you none of your so called followers are going there, have fun in hell

[a christian heard]

That is why Jesus said that a rich person has as much of a chance of getting into heaven as an elephant getting through the eye of a needle. Sometimes money and power causes people to think they are a god. If you follow Jesus Christ, you will walk in the path of righteousness.

[Rob]

This is not funny. Oprah is heading for a breakdown with the possibility of a huge Jonestown scene along the way.

[Jewel]

I hate oprah always have and she is full of it. Enjoy eternity Oprah

[johnm22287@yahoo.com]

Whoever wrote this is fucking retarded.

[keenan zuniga]

i really feel sorry about oprah,
she never used her mind,instead she was been blinded with money, power & fame..the saddest part is the mere fact that she never used such things to help other people,instead she help them to be with her in hell for eternity..she is very disappointing,i just hope that this devastating matter must urgently come to an end..i believe that God will never let this Hypocritical act to continue..